I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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