Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You're earring is so big in my mouth
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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