I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
