Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
