I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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