I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
