You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize