One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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