he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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