the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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