two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
