I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
