Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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