grinding to god bless the USA? really?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.