We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.