I'm gonna have a badass scar
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
