i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
