How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
