I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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