i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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