I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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