i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
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