i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
