she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
