Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
