The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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