Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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