it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
