Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
