I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
