spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
