I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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