When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
