I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
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I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
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am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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