It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
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