Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
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You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
foreskin is a definite game changer
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
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I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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