I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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