You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I am spending my child support on dildos
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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