I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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