Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Randomize
