areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
