So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
