I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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