my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She bit a glass in half.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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