I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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