you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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