I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
