She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
