Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
