So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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