My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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