Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
