and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
