omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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