I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
