babies were throwing up all over the place
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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