do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
