Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
