Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
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