It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
How external is "for external use only"?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
