nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
