And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
