Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
