You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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