Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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