i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
