Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
