bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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