i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
