I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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