Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
