making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
