I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
