I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Send help, water and tortillas.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
