Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
