I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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