either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
