guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
