girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize
