i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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